Not Quick Solutions (part 1)

I found myself surprisingly encouraged in reading Tim Urban and Jonathan Haidt, despite the fact that I can’t really imagine people whose backgrounds, interests, areas of expertise, and perspectives differ more from mine. Haidt concludes his book with a couple of comments I found noteworthy.

If you can have at least one friendly interaction with a member of the “other” group, you’ll find it far easier to listen to what they’re saying, and maybe even see a controversial issue in a new light. (*1)

We all have the capacity to transcend self-interest and become simply a part of a whole. It’s not just a capacity; it’s the portal to many of life’s most cherished experiences. (*2)

I know exactly what he’s talking about and experience it regularly.

Urban hasn’t finished his The Story of Us series yet – he apparently has two chapters left. But the last thing he wrote as of this writing included this nugget:

Most interesting to me was a fascinating report called The Hidden Tribes of America (*3) —a year-long study that collected the views of over 8,000 Americans—which found that two-thirds of Americans fall into what they call the “Exhausted Majority.”
-o- They are fed up with the polarization plaguing American government and society.
-o- They are often forgotten in the public discourse, overlooked because their voices are seldom heard.
-o- They are flexible in their views, willing to endorse different policies according to the precise situation rather than sticking ideologically to a single set of beliefs.
-o- They believe we can find common ground. (*4)

The reason I find those comments so encouraging is that I strongly believe the world I’m most familiar with, the Church, is best equipped to carry out those suggestions. I’m so convinced of this that there will be several additional blog posts fleshing that idea out. But today’s and next week’s blog will include suggestions that could apply to anyone regardless of their connection to Christian communities (church congregations) or not.

Remember that at the apex of His life, Jesus looked out at the future and could have prayed anything He wanted. He prayed His followers would love one another. As long as there are followers of His who are both elephants and donkeys, as there certainly are, we can become an answer to Jesus’ prayer and forge a hopeful path forward for the country simultaneously. Let’s break that big idea into parts:

Make Friends

Writer Gene Knudsen Hoffman says,

An enemy is one whose story we have not heard. It’s hard to feel dehumanizing disgust for people you know personally. (*5)

Anglican Priest Tish Harrison Warren writes,

Communities can have opposing ideologies, yet not silence one another, but instead learn to live as neighbors and, more radically, as friends. (*6)

I may have unintentionally minimized the opposing ideologies by emphasizing donkey and elephant priorities that Jesus’ followers can all celebrate. We’ll come back to this point next week when we look at the topic of anger, but it’s possible to befriend people without accepting their views – perhaps even strongly opposing their views. Jesus left heaven in order to befriend people who put Him on a cross. Nothing we’re being invited to do will match that.

This isn’t just theory; it’s happened at pivotal points in our nation’s history. Abraham Lincoln famously asked,

Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends? (*7)

Lincoln opted for a rare political strategy: grace. He appointed all three of his Republican primary opponents to his cabinet. He also appointed several Democrats to his cabinet. He was the first to apologize when conflicts arose. He famously wrote his most honest frustrations in “hot letters” to those leaders that were “never sent, never signed.” (*8) The partisanship Lincoln experienced was arguably worse than anything in our day, yet Lincoln’s approach changed the direction of our nation.

Fast forward to the 60’s and we find Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. echoing Lincoln’s own words. He wrote in a sermon,

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. (*9)

King’s nonviolent love for his enemies once again changed the trajectory of the nation. He wrote, spoke, and lived,

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. (*10)

We can follow in Lincoln’s and King’s footsteps today, knowing that more than likely we won’t have to pay the ultimate price to do so, as both of them did.

While we may be as divided now as 50 and 150 years ago, we can also find modern day examples of the same behavior. Evan Low is a Democratic Assembly member who chairs the LGBT caucus, and Barry Corey is the president of Biola University. (*11) They’ve become friends and stated,

You don’t need to see eye to eye to work shoulder to shoulder. (*12)

Rooting for Rivals includes a chapter on “Vengeance vs Grace” that includes multiple examples of pro-life (unborn) organizations befriending workers at abortion clinics.

These sorts of friendships can feel impossible for people of deep conviction. Yet they are not only possible but essential if we are to bridge the growing divides in our world. (*13)

I found myself challenged in that chapter, having to reexamine some of my own faulty assumptions where I had meshed ideologies I reject with the people who hold them.

With our culture fixated on all things sexual, issues surrounding sexuality are particularly divisive. But we need similar examples in other partisan arenas as well, and fortunately we have them. CNN has a series called, “Fractured States of America”, and the following caught my attention regarding the immigration issue:

Still, despite our differences, I felt she and I shared a common set of values — compassion, patriotism and a belief that our shared country could be a better version of itself. We may disagree on how to accomplish this — through a border wall or increased refugee intake, for example — and we may even disagree on the priorities of the federal government, but we agreed that illegal immigration is a challenge, and comprehensive immigration reform is vital to solving that problem. To know a Democrat also cares about the issue of immigration but may have a different approach to reforming the system, helps me make peace with our policy differences. Instead of being a faceless liberal, Rremida is now a fellow American with a unique set of experiences that color the way she sees the world — and the role she thinks America should play in it. And our ability to meet in the same living room, to get out of our red vs. blue silos, gives me a tremendous amount of hope. Among the biggest takeaways, I learned that much of the groundwork for bridging political divides starts in homes across America. It starts at the community level, where Americans who are already united by ties to a specific place can come together and hash out their differences. (*14)

Interested but unsure how to start? I recently learned of a program springing up in cities all over the country called Make America Dinner Again. (*15) The website contains incredibly practical suggestions for how to make this happen. I noticed that my own city of Tucson isn’t on the map yet, and recently had someone suggest that my ministry, J17 Ministries, needs to consider being a local organizer. Check that one off; whether as the organizer or just a participant, unless someone beats us to the punch, we want to be part of the solution in this practical way. We need to reverse the very strategy that tribalized Washington DC by actively preventing cross-party friendships and dinner engagements. Another group we’re familiar with, Preemptive Love, has some great tips for what they call Love Anyway Gatherings. (*16)

The ”polite dinnertime conversation rule” needs to change. Avoiding political topics is better than breaking out the knives and forks and carving one another up, but better still is to learn how to have mutually respectful political conversation among those with whom we already have a strong bond of trust, like family and friends. Julia (above) is correct and spot on:

much of the groundwork for bridging political divides starts in homes across America.

Bible Translator Todd Peterson (*17) believes that three principles and Christ-like attributes – generosity, humility, and integrity – lead to friendship and ultimately guide greater partnership. When both (or all) parties honor these principles above their own agenda, the relationship thrives. (*18) In my citywide work for Christian unity, I’ve become thoroughly convinced that unity goes as far as humility takes it, and no further. So let’s turn next to the necessary ingredient of humility.

Humble yourself

Urban writes,

The Wait But Why community is full of people determined to make the future as good as it can be for as many people as possible. When I took this topic on, I decided to do my best to force humility and open-mindedness on myself, even in places we’re all terrible at being humble, like politics. It’s amazing how much intellectual progress you can make when that’s your starting point. (*19)

Later he continues,

Arrogance is ignorance plus conviction. This is an especially deadly combo because it prevents you from improving. It not only leaves you without real knowledge, it deprives you of the humility needed to gain real knowledge or grow into a better thinker. When you think you’re already doing great, you feel like there’s no room left for improvement. We all collect life experience, but we don’t all take advantage of it. While humility is a permeable filter that absorbs life experience and converts it into knowledge and wisdom, arrogance is a rubber shield that life experience simply bounces off of. (*20)

Once again, we can look to Jesus for direction. Listen to what He says:

Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart. (*21)

The person with the least reason or need to be humble, Jesus, chose the humblest of paths at every step of the journey. Nobody else has ever been in full control of the circumstances of his birth or death, but Jesus was. He chose a poor unmarried young girl as His mother, smelly disrespected shepherds as His entourage, and a cattle trough as His birthplace. Though He was entitled to all the riches of the world He helped create, His only possession when He died was the robe that used to be on His back, and soldiers gambled for that while He hung on a cross and died. If Jesus chose humility, how utterly ridiculous for us to choose anything different.

Humility assumes that I don’t already have all the answers, and that my opponents aren’t evil, foolish, or stupid. Humility asks more questions than spouting out answers. Humility seeks to understand even more than seeking to be understood. Humility tears down the walls that arrogance builds.

To listen well and seek to learn from those with whom we disagree helps us to see our own blind spots and reflects the character of Jesus. (*22)